Ah the wonders of a waterpark. Tube burns, sunburns and head on collisions. It’s a recipe for greatness. Amiright?

The scene: Schlitterbahn

The slide: The Black Night

The company: Me plus my niece Maegan


            Well the day started out normally enough. Ride after ride of waterlogged fun. The day was winding down. It was that point in time when you keep saying to each other “one more ride!” …. And then ten minutes later “Again! Again!”

Well Meg and I were waiting in line for a two person tube ride. The lifeguards were changing shifts and one finally went down the slide. It was our turn at last. Now side note – prior to going down the slide Meg and I decided to really make the most of this run. We had agreed to hoot and holler all the way down.

So I sat in front and Meagan was behind me we preceded with our plan screaming and giggling all the way down – because it is scientifically proven to make waterslides more fun.

            We were almost halfway down the slide when we hit something and of course both scream in synchronization.  As the blob screamed “OWWW!” Might I also mention this is a closed tube slide so it’s dark and hard to see. Then I realized the blob was a person… the lifeguard…. Who was unable to beat us to the bottom because he was tubeless. We both apologized profusely as he grunted a response. The rest of the ride, which normally is over too fast, was spent in silence and seemed to drag on and on.

            When it was finally over we heard him talking to the other lifeguards and tried to maintain our composer as we over heard him exclaim to his lifeguard buddies:

            “Yeah man! She told them to do down that slide too soon! I could hear them coming after me and I was trying to paddle my way down but I was too slow.”

            That’s when I picture this:


            Then Megs tells me when we first hit him she though we ran him over with our tube. And I wish I could explain that, but there are no words.

            So there you have it ladies and gents. Watch out for your fellow lifeguards. 

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